Mittwoch, 28. Juli 2010

Try to be the best mom i can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 22. was the worst Day we ever had in our life, my wonderful son had an horrible accident.
I started making his bottle and put some fresh cooked water in his bottle, like i always do it. And then i usually put cold water in it an put the formula in it. But this day everything was different. I put some water in the bottle and my son was standing next to me. He was playing with the nipple from the bottle and i told him not to do that and that i was making his bottle and there was hot water. And the next moment he pulls the bottle down and pours it over him. He was screaming and crying, and i pulled him into the bathroom and pulled his clothes off and put him into the bathtub and poured cold water on him, he screamed and cried and then i put a wet towel on me and layed him on it. This was the only way he would let me cool it. Then i called the ambulance. It felt like hours until they came. I felt so bad. It was my fault. The ambulance came with 4 people and looked at him and gave him pain relieve. They told me that i did everything i could do. And told me to calm down and get some dry clothes on and get everything ready for him to stay the night at the hospital.
And then finally my husband came home. He has been gone the whole week for work. We got everything ready for the hospital and then we drove to the hospital with the ambulance.
He has burned his tummy his upper arm and his hand. The doctors said he has 2 stage of burning. The skin was already off. They looked at him and put bandages and cremes on his wounds and told us that we could go home with him the same night. I could not sleep the whole night, every time when he cried i jumped out of bed and looked at him. Since this day we had to go everyday to the hospital to the special burning place to get the bandages changed. The first day was so horrible, he screamed and cried so bad, we had to hold him with 3 people, the doctor told me that it sure was my fault and that it would take years until we won't see it anymore. I felt even more bad. I KNOW THAT IT IS MY FAULT!!!!!
And then it got better every day. We had a other doctor and they were more kind. Today he didn't cry at all, he looked what the nurse was doing. The doc said that we don't have to come to the hospital in 2 days and that i will put the bandages on him. I am so thankful that not more happened, the doc said that we were lucky that the water did not go into his face or on his joint.
I am so proud of my little boy, he is such a good baby.
Does this accident makes me a bad mom, i truly have to say: YES, it does! I feel so bad that this happened. I really think it is my fault that it happened, i should have taken more care of him. I just want this feeling to go away, i can't stand this feeling. I am so afraid that more accidents will happen, and that they are all my fault. I am so scared!

I am so sad and feel so guilty that this happened to my baby, to me and to my family.
I so try to be the best mom i can be!!!! But this time i failed! How could this happen to me??????????????????????????????????????????? I cry every day, i can't forgive myself.

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