I guess I have to let go!

So, I finally found a crèche for my lil man! It will start October 7th. I will start college then again. But I have to say it's not easy for me to let go. I still think that I am the Best for my son. I think he is ready for it. He has changed so much. At the beginning he didn't want any kids near by him. He ran away or called mommy. And now he loves to be around other kids. He is soo interested in what they do and what they play, and tries to get in contact with them. So I guess he REALLY is ready for it.
I am not sure if I want to let go. He is my Baby. I am afraid that it is going to be too much for me. Mom, Wife, Student, Friend. Woah, sounds much. Hmmm, but I guess I have to give it a try. I have to let go and start a new life. The LIFE as a Mommy and Student. The more I think of it, the more it sounds like fun. I hope the people in the crèche treat him good. I know how these people are, LOL, I am one of them. Before I became a Student and Mommy, I was a Pre-School-Teacher. So I really know these people. And I laughed about all these Mommys that could not let go, and look now. Now I am one of those Mommys. Hahaha
So we will see what time brings. And I hope I will get everything handled.

But I also have to say that I am soooo Thankful that I could stay at home for this long time.




So my dear lil boy, I want to give you the Chance to start a new way in your life, you will meet new Friends and you will have a wonderful Time. I am glad that you are my Baby Boy and I could not be more proud to be your MOM!
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!!!!

My Mom's BIG 50

So, finally I have a little bit time to write on my Blogg. I was sooo Busy with my Mom's 50 Birthday. I wanted to try to make her Birthday perfect. And I guess it worked.

1. First my Grandma wanted me to make a Banner for my Mom for the Garden so that everybody knew that my mom turned 50. =) And my Grandma thought it was easy to make it while I have a lil man at home and a Busy Busy Husband and a Mom that always said, I DON'T WANT ANY SURPRISES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I started to plan and plan and plan. Without telling my Mom anything. And I usually tell her EVERYTHING. Hahaha.
I had wonderful friends that helped me. One friend organized a banner from her Mom, my other friend let me paint it at her house and watched my lil man. He thought it would be funny to run over the Banner while the paint was drying. So i had to clean him real quick. So that my mom would not see anything.
(I put the banner in the Garden the night before she turned 50, she watched my lil one and i told her i would stay at my friends house cause she was having a Party. - My mom was there too, but went then home to help Grandpa to watch my lil man. After she was gone i went right back to get the surprise done. It toolk me 1 1/2 hours to decorate the whole Garden. Then 5 minutes before 12 i ran upstairs to her and told her that i was soooooooo sorry that i had stayed so long at the Party and that i am glad that i made it in time to celebrate her B-Day) Hahaha.



2. Then I thought it would be sooo nice for her to have a memory from her Birthday. So I made a HUGE 50 and bought a photo album with nice pen's and a sweet friend gave me her picture printer so that we could print the pics right after they were taken. Then I told all the guests that they have to take a picture and design a page in the album. My Mom was soooo happy when I told her.




3. Her gift from me was a bit more planning and hiding. My mom is a Quilter. And one Day she told me that she always have to make Quilts for other people (like me =)) and nobody ever made one fer her. So i decided that i would make her a Patchwork-Blanket. And normally i really don't like to sew and things like that. I more like Scrapbook-Things, that Hobby is more quiet, haha. But I really wanted to make it for her, so i got me a Jelly-Roll and started sewing. It was sooo hard to keep this secret, cause she is the one who knows best, how to make it. So i told her best friend and she helped me when i was done with the Jelly-Roll. It was soooooooo much fun.
When her Birthday-Party started, I gave her a few things that I had used for the Blanket, to see if she could find out what it was. And at the beginning she thought we would go to France for a huge Patchworkmarket. But when she realized that I made her a Quilt, she was overwhelmed, surprised and happy at the same time. The Tears ran over her Face. And at this point I knew it was the perfect gift for my mom and I made her Day.







And thats how we looked like after a great Party with lots of fun and laughter and lots of surprises. It was a wonderful Day!

Try to be the best mom i can be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

July 22. was the worst Day we ever had in our life, my wonderful son had an horrible accident.
I started making his bottle and put some fresh cooked water in his bottle, like i always do it. And then i usually put cold water in it an put the formula in it. But this day everything was different. I put some water in the bottle and my son was standing next to me. He was playing with the nipple from the bottle and i told him not to do that and that i was making his bottle and there was hot water. And the next moment he pulls the bottle down and pours it over him. He was screaming and crying, and i pulled him into the bathroom and pulled his clothes off and put him into the bathtub and poured cold water on him, he screamed and cried and then i put a wet towel on me and layed him on it. This was the only way he would let me cool it. Then i called the ambulance. It felt like hours until they came. I felt so bad. It was my fault. The ambulance came with 4 people and looked at him and gave him pain relieve. They told me that i did everything i could do. And told me to calm down and get some dry clothes on and get everything ready for him to stay the night at the hospital.
And then finally my husband came home. He has been gone the whole week for work. We got everything ready for the hospital and then we drove to the hospital with the ambulance.
He has burned his tummy his upper arm and his hand. The doctors said he has 2 stage of burning. The skin was already off. They looked at him and put bandages and cremes on his wounds and told us that we could go home with him the same night. I could not sleep the whole night, every time when he cried i jumped out of bed and looked at him. Since this day we had to go everyday to the hospital to the special burning place to get the bandages changed. The first day was so horrible, he screamed and cried so bad, we had to hold him with 3 people, the doctor told me that it sure was my fault and that it would take years until we won't see it anymore. I felt even more bad. I KNOW THAT IT IS MY FAULT!!!!!
And then it got better every day. We had a other doctor and they were more kind. Today he didn't cry at all, he looked what the nurse was doing. The doc said that we don't have to come to the hospital in 2 days and that i will put the bandages on him. I am so thankful that not more happened, the doc said that we were lucky that the water did not go into his face or on his joint.
I am so proud of my little boy, he is such a good baby.
Does this accident makes me a bad mom, i truly have to say: YES, it does! I feel so bad that this happened. I really think it is my fault that it happened, i should have taken more care of him. I just want this feeling to go away, i can't stand this feeling. I am so afraid that more accidents will happen, and that they are all my fault. I am so scared!


I am so sad and feel so guilty that this happened to my baby, to me and to my family.
I so try to be the best mom i can be!!!! But this time i failed! How could this happen to me??????????????????????????????????????????? I cry every day, i can't forgive myself.

Why i picked my header

I picked my header in honor of my dear Grandpa.
He past away 2005 and left such a BIG hole in our hearts. He was a wonderful person. He always whistled. Everywhere he was and everywhere he went, he whistled and when I hear someone whistle I always think of him.

I miss you soooooooo much Grandpa, but i know that you are watching over us!

I love you with all my Heart